Not in so many years have I ever looked back and seen what I have turned into. and should I be really standing in the place I am and should I really become the person I am right now? What if I found someone who was exactly like me , with similar flaws, mistakes, dreams, and everything would I love or just even like that person and least of all in what category of friends would I place him/her? Such a question always remains and it will. No matter now how hard I try there are a few things I cant change. I cant stop them from shaping up my future and what people will say? For how long can one stay in the state of denial by saying that who cares? Truth is for a long time when you face a similar situation, you get similar remarks or you are taunted and made fun deep down inside your heart you do care. You just don't have tons of guts to accept that and show it. Inside you might be breaking but displaying that fake smile and so called rigidness on your face, and once when you are along you are so broken and shattered. So you do care! Don't lie about that.
I also want to see and think that what sort of a person I have become but honestly speaking the thought of this even scares me because I know I will end regretting on all the wrong steps I took and moved in the wrong direction.I know I will end up crying and going made, being depressed, for sometime I will hate everything. This all scares me. So I don;t think about it, I don't want to think about all those people who took advantage of me, exploited me and like a foolish jerk I always was true to them even if I had some secrets or I lied my intention towards them was no wrong, Obviously there is one thing for sure I didn't want to cheat or take advantage of them I had reasons for everything, But it takes heart to understand the reasons to what you are doing. And there are some people no matter how much you explain and what you do for them they'll keep counting your mistakes and keep punishing you for them by their words and actions. Such people never understand. That;s actually what turned my happy life into a nightmare. Giving explanations and being tortured for my choices I made in my past and I wanted to make. No matter to some people I live or die, I destroy myself or burn they wanted things according to them. No matter what amounts of explanations I have and how hard I try to gain trust and make them feel like I am not back stabbing you, didn't matter at all. While I see some lucky people around me , unlike my story no matter what they do they are never questioned.
One thing after whatever happened I came to know that truth lies within this short phrase that there is a reason for everything. Yes, I have a firm belief in it. I may scared analyzing my life and my characters, and everything else about me but I know there is a reason I am here. I figured out one reason besides that it was my fate and destiny. That;s what people usually do and rely on when something goes wrong. I want it to be different. For me, not just saying, the shit I have been through for almost a year and longer you can say I realized the value of life, happiness. laughter and most of all freedom to be yourself where you are not scared to impress and to break someone else's heart. I cant take such responsibilities or at least handle that how would the never person feel? If I am not hurting them, like they are not at loss then why not do what I want? why do I fear to do anything I want to just because the person right next to you doesn't likes it? Why not? Your freedom and your well being your self respect they are some of many gifts from God which He gave to everyone when they are born. Its just up to us that much priority we give to these things, which most of the time are taken for granted.
My only point in this jumbled up conversation is that, don;t make any wrong choices just on the basis of some temporary happenings which you are not sure about and may lead you in a way where you cant find the way back! These wrong choices sometimes take your freedom away from you. they can make you lose your respect, honor, dignity and even the right to live your life your way. So cherish every moment you are spending with freedom. You don't know whats coming next.Just be happy and cherish all that you have.
And think twice before making any life time choices .
One thing after whatever happened I came to know that truth lies within this short phrase that there is a reason for everything. Yes, I have a firm belief in it. I may scared analyzing my life and my characters, and everything else about me but I know there is a reason I am here. I figured out one reason besides that it was my fate and destiny. That;s what people usually do and rely on when something goes wrong. I want it to be different. For me, not just saying, the shit I have been through for almost a year and longer you can say I realized the value of life, happiness. laughter and most of all freedom to be yourself where you are not scared to impress and to break someone else's heart. I cant take such responsibilities or at least handle that how would the never person feel? If I am not hurting them, like they are not at loss then why not do what I want? why do I fear to do anything I want to just because the person right next to you doesn't likes it? Why not? Your freedom and your well being your self respect they are some of many gifts from God which He gave to everyone when they are born. Its just up to us that much priority we give to these things, which most of the time are taken for granted.
My only point in this jumbled up conversation is that, don;t make any wrong choices just on the basis of some temporary happenings which you are not sure about and may lead you in a way where you cant find the way back! These wrong choices sometimes take your freedom away from you. they can make you lose your respect, honor, dignity and even the right to live your life your way. So cherish every moment you are spending with freedom. You don't know whats coming next.Just be happy and cherish all that you have.
And think twice before making any life time choices .
No comments:
Post a Comment